Yep! I think I Jinxed Myself!

I was just talking to my brother on Friday and I told him that we had been very fortunate this flu season and that my kids seemed to have been spared this year. I think Dusty may have missed one day due to an upset stomach, but nothing like we normally have. This got us talking about Wednesday night's episode of "The Middle". If you haven't watched it, you really should check it out. It is hilarious! It is set in Indiana and the family, the Hecks, are major Colts fans. Hmmm...maybe that's why I like it so much! Anyway, this episode started out with everyone sick, except for Frankie, she's the mom played by Patricia Heaton. Sue, the daughter was laying on the couch and announced to her mother that she was going to throw up. In true mom fashion, Frankie cups her hands together and places them in front of Sue, who then threw up into her mother's hands. I was laughing because I have witnessed my sis-in-law, Dawne do this with my nephews. My brother on the other can't handle vomit at all! Give him poop any day and he's fine, but vomit will have him knocking the kid out of the way, jumping over furniture just to get away. This starts him telling the story of the time my nephew Shaun threw up all over Travis's feet. His BARE feet! This of course sends me into a fit of laughter because I know how well Travis handles puke! We came to the discovery a long time ago, that kids in our family just don't know how to make it to the toilet to get sick. We have the kids that instead of walking right across the hall to the bathroom, they come down the hall to our bedroom to TELL us they are going to throw up. Sending us up out of bed to herd them like cattle to the bathroom, only to have them throw up right NEXT to the toilet, while just bending over a little. You know what happens when vomit hits the tile floor and the kid is standing up? It splatters! Everywhere! This is Jordan's thing. He does make it to the bathroom but very rarely makes it all the way to the toilet. So, I end up cleaning puke off the floor, the walls, the side of the tub...Dusty tends to just lean over his bed and throw up on the carpet. It's a really good thing I handle it better than my brother! And luckily Steve can handle it too. He doesn't love it, but he can help clean it up without getting sick himself.

Bryson wins the prize for my worst vomit stories. Of course she was my first child. So with her my stomach was just getting used to dealing with it. In fact she was a little over a year the first time she got sick. As she was throwing up, she was reaching for me to pick her up. Without hesitation, I reached down and picked her up. I decided that was the final test of motherhood. If I could pick up a puking baby, I could do anything! Good thing too because for the longest time, this kid never go sick at home! It was always in public and it was always on ME! One time we were at a festival. Steve left Bryson and I to run back into town to get the camera. After he left, she threw up all down the front of me! And of course the diaper bag was in the car with Steve. And this was before cell phones, so I had to sit there vomit covered until he got back! And by the time he got back, I didn't need the darned camera anymore!
Another time, we were going into the Golden Corral for dinner. Just as we were getting ready to pay, Bryson said she didn't feel good, so I picked her up to take her to the bathroom. At that time she threw up down my back. Well, not exactly down my back. I had a hooded sweatshirt on, and the hood caught it all! All but one tiny drop that fell on the floor! Needless to say, we didn't have dinner there that night. Do you know how hard it was to get that sweatshirt over my head without dumping puke all over myself? And I am not ashamed to say I took it of in the parking lot. I was behind the car door, so I doubt anyone saw anything, but at that time I really didn't care!
And now for the worst one of all! Bryson was almost 13, yes I said 13! She had just gotten out of the shower. She came in and told me she had gotten sick. I did all of the mom stuff, checked her forehead, asked her what hurt, then told her to go lay down. She said "Mom, you don't understand. I threw up IN the shower". So, I thought it couldn't be too bad. We could wash it all down the drain, then clean the tub, right? WRONG! Do you know what happens when you eat a full dinner then throw up in the bathtub? It clogs the drain! And do you know what is worse than normal vomit? Hot, steamy vomit! I had to plunge the tub. It was the most disgusting thing I have ever to clean up! I am starting to gag just thinking about it! And the toilet sits right next to the tub! Couldn't she have just leaned out to the toilet?? Gross, just plain gross!!!

So this leads me to today. Remember when I said we were fortunate this flu season? Guess who is home with a puking child today? That would be me! But thankfully he has made it to the toilet!