Shock, disbelief, ANGER, scared...So many emotions running through me as I sat on my couch talking to my Aunt Tedi as we both watched it unfold on TV. We were just trying to wrap our heads around what was happening. It was a vulnerability that I had never felt before. And for the first time as a mom, I was truly afraid for the future of my children, then 7,4 and 1. I knew at that moment that our nation would never be the same. I worried for my brother who was in the military at the time. Would he have to go to war? I had already lost one brother, I couldn't lose another. Very scary times indeed!

For days we watched the footage on TV. I tried to explain to Bryson, the boys were too young. But how do you explain such evil to a 7 year old? How do you explain that there were men that hated the United States so much that they were willing to give their lives to attack us? I couldn't even wrap my own head around it! I couldn't imagine being a loved one and wondering if your loved one would be found alive. Or even found at all. I couldn't imagine the fear of the people on the planes. Some as they made desperate phone calls home so they could talk to loved ones one last time. Or the heroes that tried to fight back against the hijackers. I couldn't imagine the people running through the buildings trying to make it out alive. Or others that put their own safety aside to helps others get out. No, I just couldn't imagine....

But even through all of the tragedy, my heart swelled as our nation pulled together. In the days that followed, I remember our town was literally painted red, white and blue. It was a patriotic pride that I had never witnessed before! It was a beautiful thing to me. It made me so proud to be an American!

There are moments in life that you will never forget where you were when an event happened. This is that moment for me. I will never forget as long as I live. I will never forget the lives lost. I will never forget the heroes of 9-11. People who put another person's life above their own. I am thankful everyday for our firefighters, first responders, police officers and our military service men and women! God Bless America!!!

September 9, 1997

I missed the first call from my dad. I was in the shower trying to get ready for work. The second time the phone rang, I picked up. This time it was my step-dad. He was calling to tell me that Trevor had been in an accident in Tennessee on his way to Indiana. He was in a coma. I started to gather things together to make the trip to Tennessee. It never once crossed my mind that the trip we would be taking would be to Indiana, not Tennessee. It never once crossed my mind that Trevor would never wake up. Things like this just didn't happen to my family. Besides, My mom had just buried her dad 3 months before. She couldn't lose a child too. And not to mention the reason Trevor was on his way to Indiana was because he was being rewarded with a month's worth of recruiting duty at home because he had saved a 2 year old's life just a little over a month before. He was meritoriously promoted to Lance Corporal and received the Navy and Marine Corps Commendation Medal, which is the highest non-combat medal you can receive. He was at the highest point of his life. He was so full of confidence and so proud of himself. And for those of you who knew him, that wasn't always the case. A little boy was still here because of him and another Marine! No, it just never crossed my mind that he wouldn't make it...

The next call came from my step-mom. She got the call because my dad was on the way to airport to go to Tennessee. All she said was "Heather, I just got a phone call". I could hear it in her voice. She didn't need to say anymore. I knew.14 years later, I can still hear her voice and those words as if it were yesterday. My little brother didn't make it. It just couldn't be possible! He died alone with no family, no friends. We didn't get to tell him goodbye. That we loved him, nothing. The Marine Corps sent an escort to pick him up and bring him home. Bring him home, not the way he was supposed to come home. Sometimes, I wonder if way back in his subconscious mind if he knew something was going to happen. As he was leaving, he told his friends that he was going to put his medal under his seat until he could get home and show it to my dad. There had to be a reason that he told them where he was putting it. After the friends got the news, they called my dad and told him where the medal was. The place where they towed the car searched for 2 hours and finally found it. The box was cracked and banged up, but that medal was fine. The Marine Corps issued new medals to my parents, but my dad wanted Trevor's medal. The one that Trevor was bringing home to show him. That medal is now proudly displayed with the rest of the family's military awards and photos. My Mom realized that Trevor told her he loved her the night before he left. He wasn't the mushy type whatsoever. Normally, if Mom told him she loved him, his response was "Okay, bye Mom"! But this time, he not only said it, he said it first. I am glad that my mom has that memory of the last time she talked to him...

The next week was such a blur. Once we got to Indiana, there were so many people in and out. Sometimes, it was hard to remember why we were there. We were visiting with friends and family. Sharing memories and laughs. We had to wait until the Red Cross could locate Travis and get him home before we could have the funeral. He was out to sea and in a hot spot. They had to send a helicopter to get him off of the ship. I have always felt so much guilt knowing I was with family and friends and he was all alone when he got the news. Sure he had friends on the ship, but it wasn't the same as being with the people who knew Trevor. I had remained pretty much composed this whole time. It just seemed so surreal. Like we were just there for a visit. That composure was gone the minute Travis stepped out of the car at my dad's house. It was at that moment that I looked around and realized that my whole family would never be the same. Whenever anybody ever asked me about my family, my response was always "I am the only girl of 5 kids." I only had 3 brothers there. And that was how our family would be from then on. I lost it. For the first time I broke down. Really broke down. I was sad, mad, confused... My kids were going to grow up and not know their uncle. Ryan and Allen were so young. They didn't get to have as many memories that Travis and I got to have with our brother. My parents had to bury their child. He was only 19! Just starting his life!It just wasn't fair!

The funeral was held at the gym in the high school. The place was packed. It's crazy that the absolute worse time of my life, was also one of my proudest. My brother was being honored. He was a hero. People were there to honor a hero! I will never forget sitting there at the funeral. "Go Rest High On That Mountain" was playing. Travis stood up and walked up to the casket and stood at attention. Little Allen, who was 9 at the time, walked up and stood at attention next to him. After the song was over, Travis saluted, then Allen saluted. That image will be burned into my mind forever. And I will never be able to listen to that song without crying again. Same goes for Taps and the 21 Gun Salute.

As I said before, Trevor was so proud of himself. The Marine Corps did wonders for his confidence. He truly loved what he did. When he first got out of boot camp, he gave me $10 so I could buy something for Bryson. He said there would be more where that came from because he had a job and he could spoil her now. He bought her a stuffed dalmation puppy that barked. She is 17 and she still sleeps with that puppy. It goes to camp with her, vacation, anywhere she goes. It doesn't bark anymore, it had to be washed one too many times. It's had to be stitched up on several occasions and it has lost an eye. But, it is so special to her. Her Uncle Trevor bought it for her. I remember my birthday that year. We were in the grocery store and he handed me $40. I tried to give it back to him. I told him it was too much. He said "Sis, you have given me birthday presents and Christmas presents for years. I never had any money to get you anything. Take it". That moment meant so much to me. It means even more now.... Trevor was stationed at Camp Lejuene, North Carolina, so he was only a few hours away from Beaufort. So, he came down there almost every weekend. I am so thankful that for almost a year, we got to spend weekends with him. As I had mentioned, my grandfather had passed away 3 months before Trevor. Trevor and I traveled to Indiana for the funeral. The circumstances for why we were going were bad, but the roadtrip we took together going up there is something I will always treasure. We shared a lot of laughs on that trip. Growing up, we live in the country. We had no cable or satellite, so we only got 3 channels. So there was no vegging out in front of the tv! Travis, Trevor and I spent most of our time together and outside. They played barbies with me and I played GI Joe and cars with them. Yes, the Marine and the Navy Officer played barbies with their sister! We played at the creek, climbed trees, played in the mud and we fought-a lot! Travis and I were actually pretty mean sometimes. Okay, we were mean a lot of the time. But while we may have been mean, Trevor got revenge! LOL! I felt kind of guilty for how awful we were for awhile, but you know what, those are some of the memories that have gotten us through. I wouldn't trade those memories of my childhood for anything!

Even after 14 years, his death is still hard to talk about. I enjoy talking about our childhood memories. I don't like to cry in front of people, so I normally don't really discuss my feelings about his death. In fact this is the first time I've ever really put it all out there. Besides that, I like to remember happy times. His death wasn't a happy time, so why relive that day over and over again? I mean, we have 19 years worth of good memories to talk about! Time heals, but there are days that are just plain hard! Like September 9th and his birthday July 16th. And there will always be a void at the holidays, special moments like weddings or graduation. Our family will never feel completely full. But we all work hard to keep his memory alive. There have been babies named after him. We have 2 in our family alone. I have Dustin Trevor and Travis has Shaun Travis. Shaun was actually Trevor's first name. There are several people that have gotten tattoos honoring Trevor. The important thing is that he is remembered. My heart is heavy today. This was the day that my life changed forever. But you know, it does feel nice to think that I have Marine angel in heaven watching over me and my family. And if you ask me today about my family I will tell you " I am the only girl of 5 kids. I have 4 brothers".

Lance Corporal Shaun "Trevor" Dill
July 16, 1978-September 9, 1997